Note To Self
Somedays might seem hard but hey remember, this too shall pass. A note to self, for some of those days. This one is for the moments when a part of you is disappointed af and the other half can simply not let go of the hope. So, what do you do in these moments? Here’s what I do…
To The Stranger, We Often Come Across
Well, hey there!
How are you holding up?
I know how are you really isn’t amongst the best things you can ask someone today. I am doing just as fine.
Fine is just the word they say. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just a new way of saying, I am not doing well but then who else is after all. These days it’s simply a comparison between bad, worse, and the worst.
So yes, I am doing just as fine. For now at the least. I am uncertain about tomorrow.
I won’t even tell you that it’s going to be alright. Honestly, because I don’t know any more & I don’t want to give you false hope. The last time I told this to someone, the next I heard from them their lives had turned upside down.
So, no it’s not alright and it’s not going to be alright. Not at least for a long long time.
This makes me think, then, what should I tell you?
Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I will let my silence do the talking.
Maybe, just sitting silently in each other’s company might help, or maybe not.
Maybe the sound of silence will reveal the turmoil going in my head to you and vice versa. ’Cause, of course, we might have synonymous feelings entangled with complex emotions making it nothing but more high-pitched silence.
But then I don’t want us to compare each other’s silence. It will only make it worse for you and me.
After all, most humans are designed in a manner, or at least I think they are designed in a manner that they often disregard their own problems and throw themselves into solving that of others. I wouldn’t do that to you.
God, I wouldn’t do that to myself.
This makes me think, maybe I shouldn’t speak and let you do the talking. I should simply listen.
Listen to all that you have been holding on to, good or bad, sad or happy, crazy or crooked.
Maybe, I should just listen and smile when you go back to that one happy & the most cherished memories of yours while secretly thinking about my own.
Maybe I should just listen and grieve along with you when you tell me about all the loss you went through with keeping that brave face on, ’cause you had no choice to give in to the weakness.
Well, because you needed to keep holding on, not for yourself but for everyone else around you. And maybe while I listen and grieve, I might as well feel proud of you and a tad bit of myself for not falling apart then.
Maybe I should listen and as I listen I should retrospect that even though you are a stranger, maybe poles apart from me, both you and I went through something similar, and even though we reacted as though like poles of a magnet, we are still standing.
Dear stranger, even though it’s not going to be alright for a long long time, don’t worry.
Don’t worry because I understand being in this weird and unchartered abyss of being fine. And no matter how long we stay in these long-lost times, we are in this together, and even if not alright we will get through this.
Not today but someday. And remember that someone whom I told it’s going to be fine, well I told that to myself and got through and then the world turned upside down because I was back here again.
So, dear stranger, here I am telling you again, I am just as fine as you because even though poles apart we are the mind and heart to the same soul.